Naturists Are Weird!

Let’s be honest… naturists are weird. And not in a bad way. We are just… delightfully unusual. The things we do make total sense to us, but explaining them to the textile world? Good luck.

Being a naturist in a textile world is like being a cat in a rainstorm. You just want to be left alone, warm, and dry (and preferably naked), but everything around you insists on being damp, noisy, and uncomfortable.

We try to live as naturally as possible. But alas, capitalism has other plans. We have to pay the bills and unless we can figure out how to make a million dollars in naturism… work forces us out of our comfort zone.

And so begins the daily dance of juggling conference video calls, laundry loads, and courier deliveries… all while pantsless.

So, here’s a peek into a perfectly normal (for us) work day in our naturist life.

The Morning Crisis

3:50 am: The 1^st. alarm goes off.  Corin’s morning begins! She crawls out of bed while still asleep. Rebounds off three walls and wanders naked over the couch, lays back down and falls back to sleep.

4:15 am: The 2^nd. alarm goes off. Corin hits the snooze button. Proceeds to go back to sleep.

4:30 am: The 3^rd. alarm goes off. Does she hit the snooze button again? Some days!

Eventually, she crawls off the couch, and aimlessly wanders naked to the fridge for her morning Pepsi. Again, still asleep bouncing off walls and door frames, cursing the light that comes on in the fridge that blinds her search for her morning caffeine.

Yes… this is the standard morning ritual. Corin is NOT a morning person.

She steps into the shower to wash away the unconsciousness she is still going through. The caffeine just hasn’t hit yet.

Then the moment comes. She must face a cruel and unnatural fate: (aka: Corin Has to Get Dressed)

There’s a moment each morning, just after finishing her first Pepsi, where Corin stands at the closet in silent protest, holding a bra like it’s a medieval torture device. “Why do we live in a world where this is necessary?” she asks, as if the concept of wearing underwear personally betrays her.

Her work uniform is met with suspicion and regarded with a quiet fury. By the time she’s fully dressed, she looks like she’s going to a funeral. And in a way, she is. She’s burying the dream of staying comfortably nude for the day.

Getting dressed feels like assembling IKEA furniture with no instructions and never having used Allen keys before.

5:30 am: Into the car she goes to disappear into the awful textile world. Leaving her dreams of comfort behind, for her hour drive to work.

Some mornings are more traumatic than others.

Meanwhile, still at Home

5:30 am: Kevin wakes up to the sounds of birds singing. Seriously… his alarm is birds singing!

Bright eyed and naked assed, he wanders into the kitchen to start the pot of coffee! He always wakes up before his alarm and fresh and full of energy. Corin despises him for it!

5:40 am: He grabs his coffee and wanders to the couch or deck, opening the tablet to check out how the naturist world made out last night. A peaceful morning looking through the social links of naturist friends and acquaintances.

7:00 am: It is time to shower and prepare for the long commute from the bedroom the office. (Those 14 steps).

But his dilemma now begins. What to wear for “Zoom Casual”? The working naturist’s perfect attire. Business on top, freedom below.

8:00 am: From the chest up… he looks perfectly composed. From the waist down… air-conditioned chaos.

Corin’s Naturist Day at Work

10:00 am: As she breaks up a tense altercation between patrons, she can’t help but think, “No one fights when naked. This argument wouldn’t even exist if everyone was naked!”

12:00 pm: She wanders the floor at work and knows she is trained to spot suspicious behaviour in a sea of clothing but in her mind, she is thinking “How am I supposed to trust anyone when I can’t see their belly button?”

2:00 pm: Someone reports a patron has lost their pants! “Umm what? Well maybe don’t wear them next time!” Boom! Problem solved! Very solution oriented!

4:00 pm: Corin thinks about her uncanny skill of imagining what people look like “naturally” without it being creepy. It’s like Naturist X-Ray. Now every guest she passes her brain just casually swaps in a realistic nude version like it’s SIMS with a mod!

5:00 pm: Corin finishes her 10.5 hour day and sets out for her hour drive home…we won’t tell you what happens when Kevin sends her “THE” message, “Hey Beautiful, I placed a grocery order, can you pick it up on your way home?” 😳

Kevin’s Naturist Day at Work

He has learned a few things over the years of working from home when on video conference calls:

• Don’t stand up during a video call.
• Caution even adjusting your seat or how you sit
• Always double-check your webcam angle.
• Camera off before bathroom break
• Warn Corin on her days off to not wander nude to the fridge behind me for a Pepsi during meetings
• And never, ever trust the blur filter.

It only takes one short accidental glimpse of a bare ass during a meeting with clients to turn “working from home” into “working on your apology email.”

9:00 am: First video conference call. He catches himself wondering how much more productive everyone would be if this boardroom meeting was conducted in the nude.

11:00 am: Almost went to the post office without pants because they are just not part of his mental checklist anymore.

1:00 pm: The recurring mystery of the workday: “Where did I put my phone?” Or pen, or wallet, or keys… etc.

Naturists have no pockets, so everything becomes a game of “Where did I last set that down?” They all vanish into a mysterious black hole somewhere between the office, fridge and the bathroom.

It’s like living in a pocketless dimension where objects have free will and a cruel sense of humor.

3:00 pm: Sitting in the sun on the deck for his next video conference call, trying to figure how to not get a laptop tan line!

Then comes that moment of dread every naturist knows… the unexpected doorbell.

The Emergency Pants Hook

You’re in the middle of writing a report, blissfully nude and sipping your morning coffee, when DING-DONG! The dog starts barking and cue the sudden adrenaline spike, the frantic towel grab, and the high-speed waddle toward the emergency pants hook by the door.

Yes, we have one. It’s a designated hook. With actual shorts. For situations like this.

You’ve never seen someone leap into cargo shorts so fast. It’s like a reverse striptease performed in sheer panic. Bonus points if you manage to look casual when answering the door, as if you weren’t just fully nude 0.8 seconds ago.

Or, as mentioned above, beware the lurking danger of remembering to turn off the camera during the Zoom call BEFORE standing up to rush to the door!

Towel Protocol & Butt-Print Paranoia

We naturists know that towels are sacred. They are our shields, our comfort blankets, our only barrier between us and our office chairs.

So, when you work from home without pants, you develop a sixth sense for “Is this seat safe?” You hover. You inspect. You do the naturist wiggle—a slow, cautious settle like you’re defusing a bomb made of upholstery.

Leaving a sweaty butt-print on a lawn chair? A rookie mistake. Leaving it on your own office chair? That’s just awkward!

Workday Wrap-Up: A Return to Sanity

6:00 pm: At last, the clothed one comes home, shedding layers like a snake molting after a long winter. Shoes off. Pants and shirt gone. Bra and panties flung toward a distant chair.

It’s a full-body sigh of relief.

We reunite in the living room or out on the deck in the sunshine, drinks in hand, fully liberated, and completely ridiculous.

One has those skin imprinted dents of wearing the textile straight jacket all day while the other is starting to tan only from the waist down and has a laptop tan line on his thighs.

But we made it through another naturist workday.

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