What “I Know This Isn’t Appropriate, But…” Really Means: The Psychology of Crossing Lines
From admiration to objectification… our look at why people say what they know they shouldn’t.
Every naturist who shares their life publicly eventually receives that message. The one that starts with an apology before it even begins.
Ours arrived this morning and read:
“I know this isn’t appropriate to say, but your wife is hot. I love seeing her nude. Pity I’m not able to see more explicit content. If you block me, I understand.”
He knew.
He knew it was inappropriate.
And yet he pressed “send.”
Our reply was short: “If you know it isn’t appropriate… why say it? That’s kind of stupid, isn’t it? What were you hoping to achieve?”
We didn’t say it in anger. We said it because the behavior itself deserved examination… not just dismissal. Because the problem isn’t one random man… it’s a reflection of a broader cultural sickness.
The psychology of crossing lines. A mix of confusion, entitlement, and self-justification that hides beneath the words, “I know this isn’t appropriate, but…”
The Confession Disguised as Compliment
There’s something oddly fascinating about the psychology behind that phrase. It’s half-apology, half-permission slip.
By acknowledging wrongdoing, the sender tries to launder the guilt before it even lands. In his mind, self-awareness equals absolution. He thinks that saying “I know it’s wrong” makes him more honest… even noble… for being transparent.
But it doesn’t make him honest. It makes him manipulative.
That opening phrase isn’t humility; it’s a pre-emptive defense. He’s not asking forgiveness. He’s demanding tolerance. He’s saying, “I’m going to cross your boundary, but you can’t be mad, because at least I admitted it.”
That’s not self-awareness. That’s entitlement with manners.
The Human Mind Loves Loopholes
Psychologists call it cognitive dissonance reduction. The mental trick we play when we do something we know violates our values. Instead of changing the behavior, we twist the reasoning until it feels acceptable.
It’s like a smoker saying, “Everyone dies of something,” or a thief thinking, “They can afford to lose it.”
In this case, it’s a man thinking, “They post nude photos, so it’s fine if I sexualize them.”
That logic erases the entire concept of consent in context.
Yes, naturists share their bodies online… but not for consumption. It’s expression, not invitation. Education, not exhibition. The body is part of a message about acceptance and normalcy. To misread that as permission for fantasy is to completely miss the point.
And yet many people do. Because modern culture has wired the brain to equate nudity with sexuality, not humanity.
Why People Still Can’t Separate the Two
Every generation inherits a cultural script. Ours has spent decades teaching that nudity equals sex, and that sex equals ownership. Advertisers, movies, and algorithms have turned bodies into commodities.
So when someone encounters non-sexual nudity, they short-circuit. Their only reference point is pornography. They can’t process a nude image without layering their own desire onto it.
That’s not about lust… that’s about conditioning.
But here’s the difference between awareness and maturity. Awareness makes you notice the impulse; maturity makes you manage it. We discussed restraint a bit in our article Don’t Be Creepy: How to Compliment a Nude Photo.
The man who wrote us wasn’t struggling with attraction. He was struggling with restraint. And that’s the point where ethics either take over or collapse.
What It Feels Like on Our Side
Let’s be clear… we don’t feel “offended.”
We feel disappointed. Maybe confused about the why!
Because naturism is about trust. The quiet agreement that we can be open and still be safe. When someone responds with a message like that, they break that agreement. They turn our vulnerability into their playground.
And the saddest part? They think they’re giving a compliment.
But saying “your wife is hot” in a naturist context isn’t a compliment. It’s a confession of how little they understand. They’re not praising beauty. They’re admitting that they can’t look at a nude woman without wanting to sexualize her.
That’s not admiration. That’s conditioning.
It’s also lazy. Because it requires no thought, no curiosity, no engagement with the meaning of what we share.
Just impulse, typed into a box.
The Modern Epidemic of Performative Honesty
Social media has made people mistake bluntness for authenticity. “I’m just being honest” has become the shield for every unfiltered impulse.
But honesty without empathy isn’t truth… it’s cruelty.
Saying something because it’s “how you feel” doesn’t make it brave; it makes it selfish.
Courage is not blurting out whatever passes through your mind. It’s choosing what not to say when you know it would violate someone’s dignity.
Naturism, at its core, is about precisely that kind of courage. The restraint to see without needing to possess.
Naturism Isn’t Freedom Without Boundaries
Some outsiders mistake naturism for unfiltered openness… “anything goes.” But Ethically Authentic Naturism draws the opposite conclusion: that true freedom requires boundaries.
Being nude is not the same as being available.
When we strip away clothing, we remove pretense… not consent. Respect doesn’t vanish with fabric; it deepens.
If someone can’t handle the sight of a nude body without crossing a line, that says nothing about naturism… it says everything about their conditioning.
So the next time someone says, “Well, if you didn’t want people to comment like that, why post nude photos?” the answer is simple… because we’re changing what nudity means.
We’re refusing to let the narrow minds of others define the moral space our bodies can exist in.
The Real Danger: Self-Awareness Without Ethics
The phrase “If you block me, I understand” is chilling in its self-awareness. It’s guilt wrapped in anticipation. It means, “I know this is wrong, and I’ll accept punishment… but I’m going to do it anyway.”
That’s not ignorance… that’s indulgence.
It’s the same psychology behind countless boundary violations. People who know the harm they cause but prioritize their impulse over another person’s comfort.
Every time a naturist receives a message like that, another potential member of the movement walks away thinking, “This is why I’ll never share anything.”
That’s tragic, because visibility is how naturism grows. It thrives on openness, education, and the courage to challenge stereotypes. But to keep that openness alive, we need to build a digital culture where respect is non-negotiable. Where people understand that nudity does not suspend decency.
Naturism is not a loophole for lust. It’s a framework for ethical freedom. We often think the internet’s biggest problem is ignorance. It’s not. It’s apathy.
People know what’s wrong… they just don’t give a shit enough to stop themselves.
When Shame Turns Into Aggression
Every now and then, after we call someone out, the mask slips again. Not into apology, but into self-pity or even anger. One minute they’re declaring how “mentally challenged” or “worthless” they are, and the next minute they’re lashing out with insults.
The man mentioned above responded with:
“Because I’m mentally challenged. What did I expect – Nothing in return. Nothing, like my life is worth!”
After our “obviously!” response, he then proceeded to:
“Fuck you asshole!”
And then promptly blocked us.
It’s tempting to see that as contradiction, but it’s really the same thing: unprocessed shame. When people know they’ve crossed a line, and they’re not ready to face that truth, the emotional energy has to go somewhere. Some turn it inward (“I’m broken”, “I’m sorry”). Others turn it outward (“You’re an asshole”). Both are avoidance.
That doesn’t make their words harmless… it makes them sadly predictable. We live in an age where guilt, loneliness, and sexual frustration often get poured into the same digital bottle, shaken, and then thrown at whoever happens to be visible.
We can recognize that pain exists without letting it rewrite our boundaries.
Empathy doesn’t require endurance. Compassion doesn’t mean tolerance for disrespect.
Naturism asks for emotional maturity. The ability to feel attraction, curiosity, or even shame without using it as a weapon. Until people learn that, they’ll keep confusing vulnerability with victimhood and honesty with intrusion.
What We’ve Learned About Human Nature
Running OurNaturistLife has taught us more about human behavior than any degree ever could (kidding of course).
We’ve seen genuine kindness, thoughtful curiosity, and people who discovered naturism through honest dialogue. But we’ve also seen the reflexive lust, the casual disrespect, and the way people reveal their inner worlds when they think no one can see them.
Every inappropriate message is a small case study in unexamined desire… a window into how many people have never learned to coexist with their own sexuality without projecting it onto someone else.
Let’s be clear: desire itself isn’t the enemy. We’re human. We all feel attraction. The difference is in what we do with it.
Ethical behavior doesn’t mean suppressing desire; it means giving it direction. It means saying, “I feel this, but I won’t make it someone else’s problem.”
The man who messaged us had a moment… one brief instant… where he recognized the line. And then he chose to cross it.
That’s not a lack of control… that’s a lack of integrity.
A Closing Thought: The Mirror Test
If you ever find yourself about to send a message that begins, “I know this isn’t appropriate, but…” stop and look in the mirror.
Ask yourself: What part of me wants to say this anyway?
Because that’s the real conversation. Not between you and us, but between you and your conscience.
Respect isn’t complicated. It’s just inconvenient for people who don’t want to practice it.
So to the man who wrote that message… and to everyone like him… here’s what we hope you take away. Naturism doesn’t ask you to deny attraction. It asks you to grow up enough to handle it without disrespect. If you truly appreciate what we share, then appreciate the courage behind it… not the skin.
Because the courage is what’s naked here… not the bodies.
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26 Comments
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For me personally, well this is where I become unstuck…i subscribe to a website , that it’s main purpose is photography of the human body with no clothes on ( mainly female, but some male also), another words nude models as ” fine art nude photography” and the main philosophy is ” the beauty of the human body” . So that group of people photograpgh the human body in its natural state. So the main focus is ” how to make the perfect photo of the human body” and to show the body in all it’s various shapes and sizes and to appreciate the ” skin we are in” I think this is what really challenges me personally as it is 2 different ways of looking at the same thing . And then there is also the facet of looking at it from.a different perspective again… how about ” life drawing” where one is drawing / painting the naked human body. But I suppose there, maybe, where the main purpose is drawing and getting the proportions correct on the medium of the human body….
So for me, I’m looking at it from maybe 3 different perspectives. The photography , where in naturism photography of the human body is not acceptable ( and I completely understand this view. Please. Don’t get me wrong on this). 2) there is the photography aspect of the human body to make a really great picture/ photo to appreciate the human body for what it is… and 3) the aspect of drawing the human body with pencil and paper . The art of getting the right proportions and right perspective onto the paper . And each person / artist has a different idea of how they see each human body.
And yet recently I have discovered, more strongly, a love of walking down the beach seeing the sun on the water with the hopefully not so cold wind on both my front side and back side which I love with no clothes on. In New Zealand, where I live , this is legal.
So yes, this has challenged me and my thought processes.-
Legal as long as there is no offensive behaviour and you are not offending anyone. I put this in the response but somehow got left out…
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Maybe you can help me…what do you think?
After reading your article, I’m sitting here thinking…I thought naturism is about being naked and enjoying our bodies in a non sexual way ( Im reasonably new to this),by living a life without clothes…which I agree with . But there is something I am confused about…..
I see what you said in the opening piece about someone making a comment, which could/ would be taken in a sexualised non-conformist way. And I would probably agree that this comment is not called-for ” in anyone’s terms”.. True.
But , How does it go when we see someone who we think (In a NON sexual way) has a “nice body/nice figure”….I mean not everything in life is sexual, right? but if you see someone and think…I like the shape of your body. …or I like the curves , or lines, or i like how straight your body is…..yeah the list goes on. I MEAN THIS IN A COMPLETELY NON SEXUAL MANNER of course !! meaning we just see someone we like in this way, Are we suppose to just think this or are we allowed to say it….yes i suppose “: just think it is correct”.?? some people say ” I don’t care what people think of my body etc” true. It doesn’t matter whether you are skinny, tall, Fat, short, Green, Black, purple…whatever. It makes us all unique because we are all the same but different. Is it what we call” the beauty of the human body in all its guises in a non sexual manner…Yes I think that is what is my point.
Am I missing a point or am I thinking the wrong things that I shouldn’t because if I am, then maybe I should change my way of thinking.??But if we are nudists or naturists and we are all about being without clothes, are we not allowed to see each other in this way. Does it mean we cant enjoy ….well enjoy each others company socially …..well you cant say we don’t look at each other ( like in your article…Maybe I should read it again…lol) but …..Actually , now I’m starting to think I have written this in the wrong article.. lol. But anyway , you get my point.
yes , making a comment like” I think your wife is HOT” is definitely NOT on the cards for anybody ,.looking and talking like this is not what most people would or should be doing at all and this” one would be thinking” is very inappropriate as it makes it out to be a sexual nature when it shouldn’t be .-
Peter, this is such a great question. And you’re not the only one who’s wrestled with it.
You’re right that we can appreciate the human body in a non-sexual way. That’s one of the beautiful things about naturism… learning to see the body as natural, diverse, and unfiltered. Where many people get stuck, though, is feeling they need to say something about what they see. I’m not sure if you have read Corin’s article:
https://ournaturistlife.com/2025/08/19/sexy-babe-beautiful-body-im-honestly-not-sure-how-to-feel/
The truth is, we don’t.
In naturism, appreciation doesn’t require commentary. We can notice beauty without announcing it. Once we verbalize a thought about someone’s body… even with good intent… it can shift the focus from human respect to personal evaluation.
That’s not about censorship; it’s about awareness. Most of us have been taught that complimenting someone’s body is kind or validating. In naturism, kindness looks different. It’s comfort, equality, and the absence of that physical judgment.
When we stop feeling the need to comment on physical traits, something really interesting happens: the appreciation doesn’t go away. It just moves deeper… from admiration of shapes to respect for people.
You’re already getting there by asking this question. That self-reflection is exactly what separates naturism from the culture that objectifies bodies in the first place.
We are actually working on a follow-up article that expands on the psychological shift from “appreciating bodies” to “respecting presence”. And how and when to compliment on it.
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Thank you. I see now where you are coming from… I see how you mention about it’s not just appreciation of the human body but respect for the person as a whole , meaning that respect for the ” whole being ” that is in front of you. Not just the physical body but the ” personality, … it’s funny ( not haha funny) how we see things maybe between … say when someone is dressed aka has clothes on or no clothes on. So it seems that we see each other differently in a way from clothed to non. It challenges us more to see each other for who we really are rather than what we look like, even if its subconsciously because as we say , being unclothed drops all the ” facade” if you will …or class distinction or ……if you know what I mean( no offence intended) . Another words” we are all the same” in naturism . Like…I myself like to be naked but it doesn’t just strip the clothes, it strips the…it’s like you are in a different world where there is no objectification of the body. And yet society conditions us from a young age to be Like this. But , ok I will put it this way, being naked takes away that conditioning. All that we are taught then becomes useless in a way because no one can judge you. It’s funny how having clothes on makes soooo much difference in our lives. Because we see each other in different ways. The difference between someone wearing a suit, shirt, tie, or a really upmarket dress….etc. or maybe you could be wearing just a t- shirt with holes in it ripped jeans that are freyed on the edges. Do you see where I am coming from ??? So wearing no clothes strips all of that away so there is no distinction or judgement in any way , shape , or form .
Goodness Gracious, I have gone away from what I originally was saying but yes , the whole concept of being naked strips away all of that stuff and we see each other for the kind of person we really are. We see the body for what it is in all it’s shapes and sizes and guises but we also see the person ” behind the mask ” with all their personality traits as we really know them.
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Thanks for a clear piece. Very interesting set of words explaining your thoughts
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Oh my yes. My husband and I have both been there with individuals overstepping boundaries. Showing our full frontal nudity is not asking for a date, a meet up and definitely not for sex. Showing our full frontal nudity is our true honesty of who and what we are and what our bodies represent. Social nudity is and has been a dream come true for us. Enjoying the trust, respect and non judgment of others is golden.
Ms. K
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Very well written. I think it comes down to a choice. When I first talked to my wife about naturism she expressed concern about lust. I told her that lust is a choice. If I am going to lust after a lady I can do that whether she is nude or fully clothed.
Luther
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Exactly!!!
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Kevin, I’m sure you’re already aware of this, but the guy who made the inappropriate comment was gambling on and hoping for validation from you. It’s great that you responded as you did! In a way, it’s funny that HE ended up blocking YOU! He KNEW that his comment was not appropriate. Me – I’d rather err on the side of caution and not say what might be offensive. I’m not perfect, of course, but I don’t deliberately offend and/or hurt others.
Some others have commented how they have received inappropriate comments. There’s no danger at all of anyone saying that I have a hot body -LOL! Let’s just say that the phrase, “I don’t skinny dip; I chunky dunk!” applies to me. I”m down 20 pounds from my heaviest; I’ve plateaud – neither losing nor gaining.
Kevin & Corin – thank you both for the work you two put in, to write this!
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Thanks so much. You have a hot body Jeff! There… we said it! 😃😁
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Lack of impulse control has been diagnosed in brain scans, revealing they have an undeveloped area of the brain. This isn’t an excuse for their behavior, and it shows up in more areas of their lives than just inappropriate comments. They can choose to change their behavior, which would then develop that part of the brain, but they don’t want to do so.
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Very nicely said. Thank you!
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This was quite the thoughtful article. And very perceptive.
I liked:
“ By acknowledging wrongdoing, the sender tries to launder the guilt before it even lands. In his mind, self-awareness equals absolution. He thinks that saying “I know it’s wrong” makes him more honest… even noble… for being transparent.”A
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A slight addition to the phrase, but one that is equally pitiful, is “I know this is probably inappropriate, but . . .”
The insertion of the word “probably” seems to be an attempt at removing even more culpability by way of feigned ignorance. It’s like, I’m not really sure whether this is ok or not, so I’ll send it just in case it’s fine. And you know that they know it’s not!
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Thank you for this great article. I have experienced comments that were inappropriate and many that were good. I have seen and commented on photos that were purposely sexual and I have commented appropriately on non sexual photos. Most times I look at the setting and may say something like; ” it sure looks like you are having a good time” I may add about it being nice they found a place, if in an area that is not normally CO friendly, to enjoy themselves naturally
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“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
Abraham Lincoln
That man sure proved that he is an emotional infant.
This post is one of the wisest you have done. Thank you -
“…because we’re changing what nudity means.”
Beautifully succinct, and it’s exactly what too many who say they’re “naturists” still seem not to grok even when we explain it in monosyllables.
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I’m always surprised at the comments that I get, mainly from the gay community but it’s an easy block. I would bet my house that Corin gets a lot more unwanted comments than me.
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I suspect you’re right, Andy. Unfortunately.
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I’ve come to the conclusion that humanity’s two greatest achievements are the mute button on a TV remote and the blocking function on social media. Thank you for yet another insightful post.
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“Courage is not blurting out whatever passes through your mind. It’s choosing what not to say when you know it would violate someone’s dignity.”
Truly well said article, once again.
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Keep up the good work and don’t let negativity get In the way. Respect to you both.
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I’m always surprised at the rude comments I receive. I dont post sexually explicit images, but I still get men sending inappropriate comments.
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